GOTHIC ROMANTIC, HORROR FICTION AND ACTIVISM with Author Sai Marie Johnson

In this new episode of the After Hours Chats podcast, Author and Activist Sai Marie Johnson joins me for a very deep and fascinating discussion that, in the end, went totally off script! However I do believe that when that happens it does for a reason and that perhaps there is someone out there that needs to hear it. 
In this episode, Sai gets into her background in foster care and how writing and reading helped get her through some rough times and how she parlayed all of that into her activism.
So join us for an intense but lighthearted and very fascinating conversation and check out Sai Marie Johnson on all her socials at the handle @authorsaimarie


#paranormaltalk #horrorpodcast #horrorauthor #vampirestories #spiritualtalk 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Well, hey there. Welcome to another episode of the After Hours Chats podcast. Tiffany here, and I am here with a really amazing person. And I we've actually we've been following each other for quite some time. Um yeah, for quite some time, I would say, and we've been seeing each other's posts, and you know, and we finally got a chance to uh talk in person. Um it was like a couple few months ago when you had me on one of your podcasts. So I wanted to have you on to the after hours podcast because you know, you have, you know, you have such a really cool, I think very just unique creative style. And it's something that I've always enjoyed. And I've won and I wanted to have you on to maybe talk about it more and even how it's how your creativity has shaped you into the person that you are today and everything, the amazing person that you are. So uh, but yeah, but um introduce yourself and you know, and absolutely, and just talk about how you know you got into, you know, because you're you're an author, a writer, advocate, everything, and you know, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything that you're doing, girl. But like, um, but yeah, but like just kind of tell a little bit about yourself and how you know your writing, you know, not only became a form of maybe self-expression for you, but also pretty much became your livelihood, whether you're writing a novel or whether you're writing, you know, like a commentary piece or something, you know, how how that has, you know, how that has kind of shaped you into, you know, who you are right now.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

So well, to start, I'm Simarie Johnson, and like you said, I'm an author, a poet, I've done screenwriting, I've wear a lot of hats. Um, but really to get started on my writing career and what brought me to this point. So I've always been a very, I was a very creative, imaginative child. Um I had like I even remember for a little while I had a make-believe friend, probably from like three to four, but then when I got to writing, they went away because I had real friends then. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I really and I was an only child for a long time. I I'm not anymore, obviously. Uh several siblings that are younger, but my my uh firstborn brother was born when I was five, so I had a long time where it was just me. Um and my mom was you know big on storytelling, she's part native and everything, so yeah, big on storytelling, big on singing and songs and stuff like that. So that was kind of part of my natural raising, and it was really encouraged um by most of the people in my life. I remember being taken to the library when I was like five and being encouraged to read. And so I really from that just having that really natural imagination and yeah, having a mother that told stories just orally as she did, and then being taken to the library, I was immersed in storytelling from basically birth. And to me, it just became such an important, vital, like I felt so much joy and happiness going into the library, and yeah, I have had a tumultuous childhood. I mean, you know some of that. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Different types of things happened, but I always knew that the library and books were a safe space. And that ended up moving me forward as time went on. And of course, my biggest inspiration is Anne Rice, and I know you know that, but I got a books way before. Um, and I got a hold of her books when I was like eight, but I was reading at an advanced level because I had started you know having this forming this interest in storytelling and then reading from such a young age that by the time I was, you know, eight, nine years old, I was reading adult length novels, five hundred, six hundred word novels, and I speed reading them. Like by the time I got into accelerated reader, I was reading like eight or ten books a week. I was like one of the top readers, so I was introverted and nerdy, and also because I moved around a lot, and because of my childhood, I for a brief period of time I was in foster care, probably about five months. Um I got bullied a lot. I moved around constantly, so even when I did make friends, I was often moved away and didn't get to keep them for very long. Um and so books became, and especially authors like Ann Rice, became a constant that was always there. And no matter where I was at, I could go to a library or find what a book by one of these people and you know kind of feel centered and uh calmed again. So it helped with my nervous system, and of course I developed anxiety and PTSD from different things I experienced. But my journey into writing really began in the quiet of my childhood bedroom, honestly, because when I was bored, uh I didn't just daydream, I would jot down exactly you know whatever I was thinking, whatever was in my head. That's when poetry really started to kind of emerge. Um and I actually created my first book at the age of five in kindergarten and a project I called my family. It was just yeah, it was just like a simple like I took construction paper and I stapled it together, and I made my book cover, my my back page, and then I drew the illustrations and I wrote the story, and you know, it was just hand-drawn illustrations and little short sentences, but that was my first book, if you will. And then by the eighth grade, there was a project that I had, and I began experimenting with the physical craft of like book binding, and I home board, and we had to create like a poetry project and collect a bunch of poems from different poets that we liked or whatever, and then even attempt to write our own if we thought that we could. I think I collected like 15 different contemporary poets, and um maybe like a couple of old I because I remember that there was, you know, definitely like yeah, and I mean there was a lot of different people, but then at the end, I was like, I'm gonna go ahead and write one, and it was called Reminisce. And I was like at the at the precipice of 14, 15 years old when I wrote that, and my mom seen it, and she went, she watched me go through all of it, like the binding it together from the foam boards and and getting all the poems and all together and making the whole design. And she's like, You're just like you're really like really interested in just the whole craft of making. And I was like, Well, this is the ultimate self-publishing, right? Yeah, like I'm 14 years old, right? So um, and of course I got a I got an A on that. My teacher was really impressed, and yeah, you know, just that early hands-on spirit just kind of stayed with me, if you will. So today, I mean, I've got 30 books on the market. I've been involved in multiple anthologies, especially this year. I've I've done really well this last year.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Um I've lost track at like how many anthologies you've been in, because it seems like every day your story's in a new anthology, and it's like, no, that's really cool though, because that can get your work out to out to more people. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Right. And I mean, I'm I'm proud of that. I these were all things I knew I wanted to eventually do, like yeah, see where it goes. And people have been like, why haven't you just stuck with one niche? And the reason why is because I mean, I I'm just a creative person. If something interests me, I'm gonna try it out because why not? That's kind of the way I see it. So I mean, now I'm a podcast host, I've done investigative journalism. Yeah. And writing remains my most vital form of self-expression. Like that is I I do reels and videos and things like that, and now the podcast too, but ultimately all of these things I still have to lean on writing, you know, just for the production and everything. And that's always gonna be, I think, you know, the center point for me. I've kind of transitioned, obviously, from stapling construction paper to professional career. Yeah. But the core remains the same. It's a drive to document the world with total authenticity. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Yes. No, that's good, because you know, we definitely need more authenticity now. And um, and I've even discussed this um with a couple other people on this podcast, too. Um, and also another author friend of mine, um, Andrea Dean Vonskoy, who I've had on here a couple times. And um, you know, and she's kind of on this mission to bring authenticity and integrity back to the whole influencer thing. Because as I'm sure you know, like that's just gotten completely out of hand because, you know, it it's it, you know, we went from the early days of like YouTube, where you know, YouTube and social media, like those early days where you know everybody was just creating because they loved it and everything. And of course, everybody, you know, we all need to make money, we all need to pay bills and everything. But there's a difference between, okay, you know, I'm doing this as my passion, and you know, and it's I I'd love to make a living at it. There's a difference between that and just plain greed, you know. And not too many people can relate to the, oh, look at my three ten thousand dollar handbags, you know. No, yeah, not too many people. And and I think a lot of people we're seeing we're seeing influencer fatigue, we're seeing Hollywood celebrity fatigue, you know, we're seeing just people like they just don't want it anymore. They want that authenticity, they want that integrity, you know. Um, you know, and I was even, I think when I had on um Life Sorby, who's the frontman of the band Tempest on here, um, you know, he and I were kind of talking about it. And, you know, and I say, you know, I, you know, this is why I do this, is because I like to have these authentic conversations and, you know, and maybe we can, you know, bounce around ideas and you know, and have that authenticity there. And well, I don't think, you know, I'm necessarily going to be single-handedly bringing back that authenticity. I'd like to think I have like a small part of it. And, you know, and and you too, you know, I mean, with you know, with what you do. I mean, whether you're writing, like I said, fiction or, you know, like a commentary piece or something, just having that and just having that authenticity and just that that rawness that I think a lot of people miss, you know, like I don't like what are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_02 11:26

I think that that's absolutely true. And it's like so I've had some interesting experiences the last few weeks. Um, we were talking about it before we started recording, yeah. Um, and you know, something that I thought about with that is I had actually put in an application to try to work with a media company, and it was the day after I came back from Los Angeles doing the demonstration coverage at No Kings this last time in March. Yeah. And um they wrote me back and they said, We're sorry after looking over your resume and everything, we don't think you have quite the grit for the kind of investigative reporters that we need, and this is very um activism and political lined. And I didn't even email back because I just laughed and said, You know what just happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, oh my good, yeah. So whoa, okay. What kind of grit were they looking for?

SPEAKER_02 12:26

I don't know. I mean, I I was pretty dumbfounded because as press, I mean, I was detained and I was released without charges, of course, but I have lost some followers. I'm not gonna lie to you, we're here to be authentic. Yeah, because people immediately upon seeing that happening, because it was live streamed, were like, oh, they want to jump ship. But see, that's the transparency I'm talking about right there. Is they didn't even give the chance to hear me out. I mean, and if you watched the videos, you could see that I wasn't doing anything that wasn't within my civil rights, that wasn't within what I was supposed to be doing. And I got tear gassed directly in the face without so I don't know what they meant by that. Uh uh to me, I mean, a person that's an independent journalist that's out there know that when I say that, that means that I spend my own money to get down there. Um unless people want to, you know, fund me, which would be wonderful. But besides, I I do these things and I spent my own money to get down there, and to be there for around the table with the AOTR for authors of the resistance. And then to be told that they were looking for someone more gritty, I was just like, you know, this is just this shows you how people aren't really paying that much attention to the people who are authentic and transparent, and then they say things like that, and it seems like it really is leaning more into that. Well, do I just not fit what whatever your imagery is of that? Because to me, it doesn't make sense because everything I did should be definite definitively gritty.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, and it it's really like I said, like it's really mind-boggling because like you said, like what what exactly were they looking for? Or were they looking for like a certain like you know, type, you know, or something like that, or it, you know, or were they looking like for like your typical influencer type, or you know, it like it's one of those things where you know, it really goes to show you, like you said, how people really don't pay attention. People really don't like go and look and see what you're doing and you know, all the podcasts you're doing and the blogs, and you know, and even like your, you know, your fiction works and everything, you know, because you know, you've you know, you've done quite a bit, you're very experienced, and you know, you'd probably make somebody a great journalist, but you know, but it's just it just kind of goes to show you it's very much kind of like a popularity contest still with all of that. And the thing too is, um, and I've commented on this before um with past episodes too. It's like I think people are wanting to return to that sense of balance there, where and I always bring up the MySpace days, and not that the MySpace days were without, you know, their toxicness, because you know, it's like, you know, Y2K, that whole era. I mean, that was, you know, plenty, plenty toxic in its own way. However, I think with as far as like social media goes, and social media is, you know, I have nothing against social media. I'm not one of these people who are gonna be like down with social media. But I think there needs to be a balance, you know, kind of like with the MySpace days. Cause, and I'm sure you remember too, with MySpace, it was kind of like, okay, yeah, people can go online, they can enjoy some content, they can check in on like what their favorite people are doing. You know, I think at the time it was like Tila Tequila or something, somebody like that, you know, like or Paris Hilton or something. They could like check in on like what their favorite artists are doing, but then they also go and live their outside lives, too, you know? And you know, and I think that that's what we need. Um, we need a return to that type of balance because and that's the thing, because I know some people, and I'm I'm sure you've heard people say, oh, we need to just get rid of social media, and everything was so much better before social media. No, it really wasn't, because all the stuff that's coming to light right now is all stuff that was it was happening prior to social media. It was happening, but it was under the radar. And it's kind of thanks to social media and you know, and alternative media and all that stuff that all this stuff is now kind of being forced to come to light because people are on TikTok and stuff like demanding answers as to what all's going on. And to return to like just blissful ignorance, you know, to me, like that's not gonna help anything, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

No, and these are generational things, like these are things that we have had through consistent generations, we continue to have some toxic problems, and if we don't get to the root of the cause of those things, honestly, and and really fully honest with all of ourselves that we need to fix things. America, especially, has a lot of shadow work to do. Oh gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Um we talk about shadow work a lot on this on this podcast, so yeah. And my other one too, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

It's definitely like that, and I think that everyone is really well, not everyone. We still got some of them that want to stay stuck in the dark. But everybody is really starting to kind of illuminate a little bit and realizing there's there's something that's got to be done. Like what is wrong within me that I can fix to make everything within my collective better, because we are a collective. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Well, even, you know, and I, you know, and I often bring this up, Michael Jackson's song Man in the Mirror, you know. I always tell people, you know what? Listen to that song, look at those lyrics, you know, because you have to start that change within yourself. You know, you can't be, you know, pointing fingers at everybody else, you know, when you yourself, you know, might have some serious work to do. And, you know, and that's something I try to be mindful of every day. And that doesn't mean don't point out corruption where there is, but you know, at the same time, you know, you can't be looking at somebody who like, oh, well, you have too much black eyeliner on for my taste, or oh, you're you're a goth, so you must be like a devil worshipper, blah, blah, blah. It's like which that can yeah, exactly. It's like, yeah, it's like there, it's it's just just all these ridiculous like stereotypes that you know people like try to police other people on and police people's life choices, and it's just kind of like, how does that affect your life? It's that synthetic panic thing, though.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

And I think coming back a lot. And the irony is it's just like you just said, there are all these stereotypes and really the people doing the most malicious things, yeah, that look like everyday white men most of the time.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Yeah. Yeah, they they're they're you know, a lot of them. I mean, not all of them, but a lot of them are like the ones that are like wearing the suits and presenting as, you know, these family men and all that stuff. And look at Eric Swalwell right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

I said about it. I said he said that he's so sorry, and I said that Rihanna lyric comes to mind, baby. You're only sorry you got caught. Right. Like, yeah, and again, they're allegations, but we believe women, so I I feel the investigation's just going to pan out to show us what we usually find.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Yeah, yeah. And you know, and and that, and that's the thing though. It's like kind of, you know, kind of like what you were saying, it's just society in general has shadow work to do, not only as a collective, but as an individual. And, you know, if you still find yourself like defending these people, you know, it's like, okay, you know, that that doesn't mean you're a bad person, but it does mean that you need to take a step back and be like, okay, yeah, why am I so resistant to believing that things weren't just all like sunshine and roses in, you know, in like the government systems and all that stuff. And, you know, I I why was I so resistant to believe that, you know, there's all of these, you know, underlying, you know, just little seedy, like all the seediness going on, you know, it's like all a big facade, you know, like why am I so resistant? And and that's the thing. And and and that's really I think what a lot of people are being called to do right now, but it's just are you going to be an avoidant or are you actually going to really go within and you know, and really be honest with yourself?

unknown 21:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

And I I think that plays into even my activist role. Like, are you gonna be activated to be your most authentic self when it comes to that? Like, or are you gonna continue to shrink? And another thing to point out here is how many people might have the father wound, and that be the reason why they even chose to go towards, you know. Voting for someone like him. And and that desperation to have that, because so many people refer to him like he's a father figure, and personally see why. But when you look back without judging, and you actually go, Well, maybe these people have a father figure wound. You know, then those are things that make it easier to understand a little bit why people are with the way they are, not excusing the buttons. But you know, people have to want to get to that point. And I did an interview earlier on my own podcast on the Mind of Simon Rear today. And I interviewed Lou Balcom, who is a 25-year relationships expert and author, and he does marriage counseling. But we really talked mostly about the difference between inspiration and transformation, and how inspiration, you know, you can be inspired by someone, but that only lasts for a little while, as opposed to transformation. When you're bringing information into a person's life that can enlighten them and push them to be motivated to transform their life, that's a different entirely because inspiration is a moment, a momentary, oh, and then you feel a compulsion, but it doesn't usually lead you to actually moving forward to make those courageous changes and do that shadow work. And so I thought that was a really unique, you know, way to put that that I hadn't heard before. And I wanted to share that on your show because it lines with this.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah, yeah. And and that's the thing too. You know, I, you know, I I can really see like where where you're coming from with that because I think just I think people in general are they tend to, I think we have become so used to as a collective, maybe not, you know, you and I, because you know, I mean, well, I mean, nobody's perfect, you know. I I mean I I still have, you know, there's still work on myself that I'm doing, but um, but I think just in general, like as a collective, we have come become like so addicted to external validation and the feeding of our own egos and you know, and looking for somebody outside of ourselves, like to to sit, you know, to to save save us from ourselves, please. And it's like, no, you you have to nobody's coming to save you.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

It really is. He said something else too. He said, you know, people come because they're trying to get over pain. But what they need to realize is the only way you transform is through the pain.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Through the pain, yes. We gotta, and that's the thing too, you know. And I I agree. Like, I I think that, you know, we're seeing that pain right now, you know, just with everything going on, we're seeing that pain right now. And the question is, it's like, who is going to choose to transform through the pain? And it's kind of like that year of the fire horse, you know, it's like you're either going to transform through that fire or you're going to get dragged by the horse if you don't, you know, do like do the actual inner work. And we had that opportunity to do that inner work in the year of the dragon. And then last year in the year of the wood snake, we had that opportunity. And, you know, but the wood snake, um, I don't know about you, but I found that, you know, shadow work during the wood snake was more like, okay, you know, you're just gonna go really deep and allow yourself to just kind of like curl up in a blanket and make yourself into a blanket burrito while all the gunk and stuff comes to the surface. And then you're going to like journal about it and let it go. For me, shadow work during the year of the horse is a little bit different. The year of the fire horse, it's a little bit different. It's more action-oriented, where it's like, okay, I have this coming to the surface, okay. Write about it, okay, but then I actually have to do something about it instead of just letting it come and be there and shed, you know, kind of shed off of me. Like I have to do something to burn that away. You know, I how is how has like that shadow work and transformation, you know, been for you, like say in the year of the fire course versus the year of the wood snake?

SPEAKER_02 26:25

So last year, um, especially post a lot of my family members voting, MAGA, some of which were really close. That I was okay, to give a little insight, I was I've been going to therapy for a long time and I have a mother wound. I love my mother very much, but she would agree we have a very tense relationship. Um and so I had in 2024, I had went and visited my mom in Tennessee, and my mom had come to Oregon to see me. And I was kind trying to repair that relationship, and I had talked to my therapist for a long time about how I wanted to do that. Okay, so with that background, in 2025, after, and I didn't find out at first that she didn't vote, she actually voted for a third-party candidate, but my sister did vote MACA, and she was very proud of it. She even wore a shirt that said Daddy's home and posted on social media knowing what I do, and I was like, my heart broke. Okay. Um, I really wanted to be. This is my my sister, you know. I really wanted to be close with her, and after having going back to Tennessee and spending time with her, I thought that we were regaining the relationship that we had had when we were younger. Yeah. But then she voted for MAGA, and she was supposed to be coming to visit me that summer, which would have been summer of 2025. Uh-huh. So I went into the wood snake year, having put the boundary down, telling my sister, and I went to her directly, I don't think we can have the relationship that we had ever again now. And she immediately pushed back, why? And I said, Yeah, you really don't want me to answer that question. And she's like, No, I need to know why. And I said, Well, look at the picture that you just posted on social media about Donald Trump and look at what I do for a living. I can't. I literally can't. It's not just what I do for a living. I have Hispanic children. Right, okay. Like, I there's so many levels. I have children that have Deshen muscular dystrophy that are wheelchairbound and it's a terminal illness. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So when you look at fascism and you look at the undesirables, my children meet every marker. Okay. So I was just like, I told her, and I said, Well, it's because you voted for a Nazi. I straight up said it like that. Um and she goes, He's not a Nazi, and I said, Yes, he is. Have you read Project 2025? And she's like, Well, if that's how you feel, and I was like, There's nothing more I can say. You've made your decision. I have to respect that that's who you are. And it's not someone that can be around me or my family. So went into 2025, what was supposed to have been a reunion year ended up being a total, complete shedding year. I have not spoken to my sister once since well, not that day, like a week after that day, because that was when I seen that they were actually going to be banning Anne Rice's books as part of their book banning that they're doing. And I went to her and I said, See, you can't say nothing to me now. They're gonna ban my favorite author. The only reason why I got through suicide sometimes, and what do you want to say about that? She literally. Oh my gosh. So I went into Snake Ear with that, and I I have been working on a lot of things. I've been single for a long time. I decided to become a voluntarily celibate single woman to not because I'm not sex positive, but because I wanted to work on myself. Yeah. I really wanted to call back all of the parts of myself and be the strongest whole something told me I needed to become the strongest, wholest person I could be for what was coming. Right. By the time we get to Snake Ear, I did start Authors of the Resistance last year. Um that was something I felt compelled to do, but I really I didn't do as many boots on the ground events last year as I did in 2020. Okay. This year I'm already already I've went to Los Angeles and you know been boots on the ground deep in the ocean. I here in Eugene. I'm probably going to Portland soon. I intend to go to LA again um as many times as I possibly can, and uh probably to DC too, because I ultimately want to march on DC and I never have to in my life, I have never done that. Um, and of course, I I work with Dave the Viking now, who is from DC. So um he's you know, he's we're basically partnered together for a lot of these strategical things and on what we're doing with activism, but I'm also doing stuff and kind of bringing him into the book world, if you will. Um so yeah, talking to him and everything, we have a lot of plans, and I intend on, you know, going to DC and doing those things, but all of that is how it's it's definitely shown me the difference and where I was more sedentary, more drawing in and dealing with having to kind of shed my old skin.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

And going through all those evolutions of you know, not having my sister to talk to. And yeah, you know, I had several arguments with my mom before off and on, before I finally was told directly that she didn't even vote for him. And I said, Well, you could have just told me that from the beginning. She's like, Well, you listened anyway, which is really not true, but this is the evidence we we get caught up in our worries and our fears and our anxiety, yeah, and it causes these things to happen. So for the fire horse here, I'm feeling a lot more direct about things, like I see somebody running away because they're scared of that. I tell I'm telling them in that moment, why are you scared? Why are you trying to run? Can you not just sit with me in this space for a minute? Because if you sit with me in this space and this discomfort for a little bit, yeah, actually get you through it, and that's pushing through that pain. Yeah. And yeah, I I mean, I have a Phoenix tattoo, so the fire horse and being burnt up is no big deal to me. I just be reborn again anyway. Right. But knowing that I can burn other people up, though, that's why I feel like that's my compulsion. I'll be okay, I'll get stronger through anything. But I know that because I have that resilience and the creative energy that I have that that makes me a strong force to be able to go out there. And while I'm documenting, you know, there are things that you guys don't see. Um I'll tell you a little anecdote right now. So I got taken into the MDC, I was there for four hours and zip ties. I was detained right there in the same facility that they're taking immigrants into. Um but after when the captain realized I was press and saw my press vest after me sitting there for so long, I realized that they had made a mistake. So he basically had me move over to this bench. And on this bench that I was sitting on, there was a young man. Now I don't know how old he was, but I assume he was between 18 and maybe 21. He was, you know, about the same age as my third-born son, who's 90. So I sit down, and this kid's maybe five or six feet further down the bench. It was a long bench, like a really long one. Um and he speaks up and he goes, ma'am, and of course I'm hard of hearing, so I wasn't sure. So I turned towards him. Yeah. Yeah, I'm talking to you. And um he's all, do you mind if I ask you a question? And I was like, sure. He's all, why did they make you move over here? So I explained to him that I'm press and they realized that they should not have even detained me because I didn't do anything wrong. And then we're gonna be having LEPD media talk to me before they release me with no charges. And he's all oh so then he goes, Well, this is my second time getting caught for protesting. He's like, Can I ask you another question? And I said, Sure. He goes, Are you a mom? And I said, Yes. And he said, if your kid got arrested for protesting, what would you say? And I was like, Well, I'm an open-minded parent.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

And, you know, I would obviously want to listen to what my kids have to say, and also I'm obviously in the same place as you right now, so um, I might not be the perfect person to answer this because parents that are stricter have different belief systems might be harder. Um, but I can tell you the best thing to do would be to just be honest. And he goes, I've been thinking about that. He's like, You want to know what's funny? And I said, What's that? He goes, I was just looking in the classes for photojournalism last week, and I smiled and I said, This is what you do when you go home, when you get out of here and your parents pick you up. You tell your mom exactly what happened, but you do it with conviction and you do it honestly and you take ownership. That's accountability, and then you tell her, Yeah, I'm going to go sign up to become a photojournalist and go do it. Yeah. And he he smiled at me and he nodded. Well, then finally it's my turn to walk out, and I'm walking out with a dress vest, and everybody's looking at me, including the officer that abused me. Right. And her the look on her face was just, oh no, I messed up, you could just see it.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Um, and I look at the kid because as I'm walking past her, I turn, I I held my head high, I smiled, and I looked right back at the kid and I said, Hey kid, it's all gonna work out. And he smiled and he goes, I know, thank you. Those are the things that matter the most, Tiffany. Like those moments. You can inspire somebody like you know, like that. Yeah. Because I know that that inspired that kid, but also that's gonna lead to transformation. I know it will. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

And you know, and the thing is, you know, it's kind of, you know, like I said, you know, all of this stuff, like this underbelly, is putting being pushed up to the surface, and you know, it is giving people an opportunity to either transform or get dragged if you want to be an avoidant and just kind of close your ears and be like la la la la la, I can't hear you, you know. Um, you know, I I don't I don't see that ending very well, you know, to if I'm being perfectly honest, you know, and you know, and the thing is, it's like, and yes, it is uncomfortable to look at yourself. Yes, it is uncomfortable to, you know, acknowledge, you know, where you might have some like wounds and some, you know, some faults. And you know, yeah, that's I mean, trust me, you know, I'm you know, I'm constantly, you know, digging things up about, you know, myself and things that, you know, I've been, you know, I'm dismantling and everything. And I've dismantled quite a bit, you know, because you know, we know like this this whole matrix that we live in, it like it lives to just really indoctrinate you to the point to where, I mean, pretty much from the time you're born. I mean, you're you're made to just instead of looking to yourself as like an authority figure and to your, you know, and trusting trust, yes, everything is external. You it's like, oh, trust this authority figure, trust that authority figure. And we're not taught to develop, you know, any of that within ourselves. It's like, and and it's not until like you're well into adulthood that you realize, oh crap, this is what I've been doing all this time. You know, I've been, I mean, I've always to an extent never really took to authority very well to that. You know, I mean, to an extent, I've always, you know, been kind of like, well, why should I listen to you? You know, but but it but to really come full circle with that, like it often happens when you're well into adulthood and you're just kind of like, man, why wasn't I I I wish I was taught this like sooner, like when I was a kid to really hone this, really hone my in, like hone your intuition, just really, you know, honey like you know, your your higher self or whatever you want to call that, you know, and just really learn how to embody what is authentically you. And, you know, and I just think it's such a oh my goodness, like when you realize just how deep all of that goes and how, you know, we're encouraged to seek that external validation. I mean, like, you know, school is a perfect example of that, you know. Indoctrination center.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Yeah. And you know, and and I know people, you know, make like to make fun of like people that homeschool, but let me tell you, you know, hey, you know, that's at least that's outside of the indoctrination system.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

Having done both, neither way is perfect. I mean, yeah. Go to school and then you're an introvert and everybody's bullying you. That's just part of the reason why I got taken out and put into homeschool. And then I got around and I no longer had any, like, I did have a couple of friends, you know, and it was the routine of getting up and going to school, but it's not the same when you're in homeschool. Even if you do have your routine for your classes, you're at home, and so it's like I'm never leaving. And so you don't have that opportunity to get out as much unless you actually have your two things to make you a curriculum where you're going and doing things, but yeah, so it can be very isolating, and yeah, it's either way has its ups and downs, having done both. But I I've heard the arguments from some kids, you know, that are adults now and felt like it was kind of culty and they weren't really allowed to life like other kids, and so I can see that being valid too. It's just it's a personal experience.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely. But um, but yeah, but it's just like, you know, something needs to be done with this whole like matrix system, and you know, and but I think kind of like getting back to the whole, you know, going within, it's really going to require a lot of deep inner work on on the not only the collective, but people as individuals. And, you know, and I think more and more people are coming around to it. It's just some people are still like wanting to stay, kind of stay stuck where they were at. And, you know, but then it's like you have to ask the question. It's just kind of like, do we hold space for you know, those people maybe knowing eventually they'll come around? But at the same time, like I said, you kind of have to focus on yourself and save yourself. Because, like I said, like nobody's coming to save you, you know, Gen Alpha ain't gonna come save you because I know people like to love to say, oh, this next generation is gonna be what saves us, you know. And it's just people have been saying people said that about millennials, people said that about Gen Z. And I'm sure if you go further back, people were saying that about like Gen X and the boomers, and especially the boomers, because they were that, you know, that Woodstock generation, that anti-war thing, but nope. So that's the thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Yes, it's definitely come to a point, I feel like, that for the people that don't want to do it, the world's gonna move on without them. A lot of people that are kind of stuck in archaic mentalities are passing away. Um, but again, these are some still things that in history we know have recurred, and it's just like in as people move forward, you can't like you said, you can't expect our kids to save us. We have to be responsible for what's happening and take accountability for it. Right. We're supposed to be the ones raising these kids, and yeah, they're growing up and it's gonna be their time to rule the world. And of course, my oldest daughter's almost 25, so I get that. I see what I'm doing with myself because I don't feel like she should have to inherit that responsibility. Right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

And that's yeah, that that's the thing too. It's like, why is the responsibility always placed on the next generation? Why not just take care of it right now? And that way the next generation can pick up the torch and continue on with you know, a much, you know, a much better world, you know? And you know, that that that I I never that that's that always bothered me when like people would be like, oh yeah, the these young people, these next, this next generation's gonna be who saves us. And it's like, no, again, like I said, I mean, as bleak as that sounds, nobody's coming to save you. You have to save yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

And then when we do that and we work through those shadows, then we can come together to combat all of this together because we'll collect the elevate. And that's basically what it's about. It's that it's that consciousness of. Of elevating to that level of where love is basically what conquers all. And we all inherently know that.

SPEAKER_01 44:06

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And you know, and that's really what it comes down to is you know, is coming into a love consciousness instead of like a fear-based consciousness, which we've been in a fear-based consciousness for centuries now, you know, operating from that lack, that not having that has created that that gratification need that we have, the instant gratification, because we constantly feel like we're not getting enough.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

We're constantly feeling like we have to do more or put more energy into something in order to just get a little bit back. And even if we look at the warehouse fires, for example, the quote is all you had to do was pay us enough to live. And I'm not endorsing it in any way. I'm just saying I understand that quote, I understand that mentality. And it's not necessarily that these people are just psycho, it's that this is what happens when we live in a society that has pushed that message for so long that everyone becomes so desperate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Yeah. And I think that's why you know we see so many people like, when is all this going to stop? And it's like, when we have when we as a collective decide that it stops. Exactly. You know, that's all it is. Again, going back to the Man in the Mirror song, you know, it's like, you know, you have to take, you know, take a look at yourself and make that change, you know. And yeah, and and I like I said, I think it's encouraging that we see more people doing that. Um, but other, you know, just other people need to kind of catch up, that's all, and hopefully they will, you know.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

I mean, ultimately that is my hope too, because even when I talk about this, there are people that are are my loved ones that you know were kind of bespelled by this. And just because they were bespelled by this doesn't mean that I want them to be burnt up with it, too. You know, it's honestly seeing the warehouse fires and all of this and and the people that we've lost and everything that these are all signs that we all can see are not a good society. What can we do to elevate ourselves individually so that we can come to the table, not to be uh who is above and who is the higher authority, but to be equals at the table discussing what needs to be fixed.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

Yes, and have I mean that well, that's how a lot of the ancient civilizations ran. Yes. You know, that's I mean, you go back, I mean, the druids. I've been doing a ton of study studies on like the druids, and at least like the information that we're able to gather about them, because they did not believe in like they never really wrote things down because they they were orators and they believed in like the art of storytelling and yes, oral tradition. So what we do know about the druids was stuff that you know, people that were foreign to them came in and wrote down. But in the in the druids, I mean, I think the druids are like they they had it right in many ways, you know, because they actually they believed in the, you know, the masculine and the feminine, you know, you know, together jointly, both, you know, men and women, you know, that could could serve on like that, you know, on like that kind of like that council that you were talking about. And I was also reading about like the um, and women, you know, they could serve as priestesses, warriors. And I actually um I have this one book on uh the Morrigan, because I've also been doing a lot of, you know, studying on the Morrigan, uh, the Celtic goddess and um and uh her part, you know, her like partner, the god the Dagda, you know, who's supposed to also be her husband and everything. And, you know, and I I love their story, how like they like they come together and they plot out like war strategy together and they're one unit during that time. And I'm like, that's the way it should be. And even with like the Celtic warriors, there were, you know, some that were fighting the Celts actually said that the women were more fearsome than the male warriors because and what made the the female warriors so um you know so terrifying was the fact was the way they were able to use their voices, you know, with their battle cries. And and they also people observed about um Celtic, uh Celtic women, uh, you know, druid women was that they were fierce on the battlefield, but you know, when they were with their, you know, their their partner, their their husband, you know, who you know, they they would be you know submissive feminine because they felt safe with that man, you know. And I'm just like, that is awesome, you know, like that's the way it should be. That's what we all really want, I think. Yes, yes, you know, and you know, and I'm just like, you know what? I I wouldn't mind, like, uh, you know, like I said, I think in many ways the druids, based on what we know about them, had it right, you know.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

I felt the same way about like the matrilineal society of like the Cherokees and how they had warrior women and it like they had longhouses and it was very similar to like the Vikings, for example, in that way. Yeah. If a man did something to upset his wife, she could just put his stuff outside of the longhouse and he was. I heard about that, yeah. Um, but the women were the they they like they had warrior women and they were the ones that ran mostly everything, which kind of goes back even further if you look at like the Battle of Themisera and stuff like that. Yeah. So I it if we really go back in our history, the ultrachy is the way that it was it worked the best. Mothers are the ones that nurture life, and again, if they feel safe and they're protected, if the men in the society are being the protectors, not the control dominant freaks, right? Respect women and the value of the life that they bring. And also they go out and they they do things like hunt, they're able to get their testosterone out in those ways because they're protecting, but they're not turning around and trying to beat up their wife like we see downright. Right. Yeah. A lot of these things, it's really if you look at the natural way humanity works, yeah, just completely deviated from the course, and we could have a better world if and men really wouldn't be emasculated. It's they're so afraid that we're gonna emasculate them. But they need to understand these are we are your mothers, you are our sons. Yeah, we don't want to do that to you, like it's not the patriarchy has taught you.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

Like, yeah, no, that's I mean, yeah, exactly. Because, you know, and and that's the thing, like the the men, like like druid men, and like you mentioned, you know, like the Native American tribes, the it's like they were very masculine men. I mean, they weren't these, you know, these wimpy men that, you know, just hid hid behind a tree at the first sign of danger. No, these were these were powerful warrior men, but they also revered and respected, you know, the the feminine and you know, women and you know, their mothers, their wives, their, you know, their daughters, and and that's you know, and that is a lot of what's what's missing right now. You know, that is just really sad because, you know, and even coming from a spiritual perspective, you know, it it's said that the uh the the feminine is to, you know, protect the masculine in the spiritual realm, and the masculine is to protect the feminine in the physical realm. And there's just not a lot of that.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

No, you know, and I think that that's something that even it goes back even to chess. The queen protects the queen, the king. I I feel like so many people have lost that as they feel like it's the queen is going to be this dominatrix just making them look like that's not realistic. Most women there are women who like that, yes, but most you know, we're we're we're here to we want to engage and share our our expressions and our ideas, and when it comes to community and helping people, I feel that most women, you know, we do want to be a part of that and be helpful where we can be. Not everyone, all women are natural nurturers, and that's fine. But I think a lot of women are, and if you really look at that, uh the aunties, for example, and native culture and stuff, these people have been the ones that have been continually it takes a village to raise a child. These little boys need to remember that.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 53:34

Yeah, but um yeah, it's it's just it's come, I think, we've just become so disconnected, you know, from what we're naturally, I think, meant to be. And we've just and and it's it really has not and I hate to be bleak about you know, some of this stuff, but um it's so interesting. Yeah, but it's like but it's so interesting because I I was listening to um, and I don't know, I don't know what made me start listening to this, but like I but just one day, I think I was like doing my spring cleaning or whatever, and I was just kind of listening to some random stuff, and the somehow this um you this like interview with a divorce lawyer actually came on, and it was like one of those like relationship podcasts, and I was like, okay, you know, this probably came on for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to listen to it. But what was really interesting was the um, I think there was like a divorce lawyer and then a counselor that counseled, you know, people like post-divorce and everything. Right. The the amount of people that because because the uh the the divorce lawyer and the counselor, they were like, okay, how many times do you think people like when do you think people actually in these marriages found out that okay, this is not the right person? And you know, the person interviewing was like, I don't know. I mean, maybe like a few years in or 10 years in, there's like, no, actually, the amount of people that say that they knew that this was not the right person before the wedding will shock, you know, will astound you because people, yeah, people, it's like they end up, and I'm not saying you know, marriage is bad, with the right person. You know, I'm not anti-marriage for people out there to be like, oh, you're anti-marriage. No, I'm not. I'm anti-people getting with the wrong person, you know, and getting with somebody out of peer pressure, getting with somebody because it's somebody, oh, their their friends, you know, what approve or whatever. And yeah, and in a way, it's still low-key arranged marriages when you think about it.

SPEAKER_02 55:59

You know, and I mean, I said something to a friend a few weeks ago, and they were talking about someone, uh, a situation ship, if you will. Yeah. And I told them, I was like, you know, if you go back to that, you're gonna be settling. And they said, Well, of course you would say that. And I said, No, I'm saying that because I already know that you're not happy. You already showed me that you weren't happy, and from your own behaviors and out of your own mouth and your own experience, what you've confided in me, you already know the answer that this person is not in alignment with your authentic self, but you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And the thing too is, and this is why I think it's so crucial for everybody to, from the time they're born, you know, have that ability to truly get to know themselves, get to know what their you know, soul's blueprint is, get to know what their gifts are, get to know who they actually are as individuals, because then you can really take an educated look at an honest look at yourself and your life and be like, okay, you know, what kind of a partner would suit me here? Like, or do I even want a partner? Do I even want kids? And if so, how you know how many? Because, you know, if and and then you can be a lot more discerning of who you end up with, and you know, and even you know, getting into a more spiritual um perspective on it. Um, I actually, you know, had her I saw a post the other day saying that 90% of marriages today are karmic trauma bonds. I would believe that. Yeah, which to me, I'm like, well, that makes sense. We given like high divorce rates, given, you know, high, you know, or the world consciousness isn't in that love factor. Yes, yes, getting back to that love factor, that love versus fear factor, you know, people, you know, getting together out of fear, like, oh my gosh, you know, I'm I'm 25, I'm not married yet, I need to get keep up with the Jones. And that's the thing. It's like people are too worried about keeping up with the Joneses instead of really taking an authentic look at themselves and really seeing, okay, you know, and and yeah, just being honest. It's like, okay, does this person truly align with who I am authentically? And or if they don't, you know, respectfully let them go. Because by getting into a relationship with them, I'm also doing that person a disservice. Yes, I'm also preventing that person from actually finding somebody that's in perfect alignment with them. You know, but a lot of people, you know, don't. I mean, hopefully that's changing, but you know, for the longest time, a lot of people didn't think like that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

Well, there seems there's a bit of a pandemic in dating now, and I think relevant, especially post-quarantine. And and even talking about social media like we did at the start of the show, yeah, all kind of forced to only be able to connect that way, and how detached that made us. Yes, yes. So we were trying so hard to stay connected, and in a lot of ways, like you said, no dissing on social media has its greats and its positives and its negatives. But if you look at everything that's happened up to now, now we're here we are six years later, it really does all of these little blocks make sense. And again, it it it comes back down to that root of how much have we allowed to go on with seeking that gratification and that ego stimulating dopamine, serotonin, whatever it is. Yes, that we've allowed to distract us so that these horrible things continue to just be a pattern that's cyclicing for so many generations, that it's so normal that it's been normalized. Like people just are like, oh, this is just any given Tuesday, and that's what we have to really unpack. No, this isn't normal. We should this way. We we really do need to get back to doing community events, talking to people, um, grassroots, even if you are someone who's wanting to get into politics, and and looking for the people that are there because they care about human interests, not because they care about about glorified power.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:44

Right. Yeah, no, I love that. Like I definitely think that you know we need to, yeah, just get back to having that sense of like purpose right there. And you know, and that might be the beginning of, you know, ha like allowing people to, you know, to heal, you know, heal their their wounds and heal their shadows and you know, alchemize their shadows into, you know, into doing what it is they were meant to do. Because I think, you know, that's another thing. A lot of people, like they just don't know, so they don't know any better. So, okay, yeah, I am, I'm gonna do what all my friends are doing or what my family tells me to do. And, you know, and it's you know, and it's very, you know, it's it takes a lot of mental work, emotional work, spiritual work. It takes, you know, physical work, you know, too, keeping yourself as healthy as possible, you know, and it's you know, it's I mean, it's work, it it's and it's a lot of self-reverence and self, you know, self-love, self-respect, but not from a narcissistic way where you think you're better than everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:58

It's but becoming vulnerable at the same time giving yourself grace. So, like if you look at yourself, if you're a good pep talk person, which I feel you are, if you look at yourself and you're like, I'm a person that people can come to and I'm I'm pretty good at encouraging them, right? What I chose to do when I really decided to go into this is I went in and I did the mirror thing. I looked myself in my reflection and I said, You put up with this, and this is what and I was crying, and this is what this has brought you to. But this moment you're gonna reclaim, and you don't ever have to allow this to happen again. Right. These are the things that you have to recognize in yourself that you allowed to happen, and that might be a lot to deal with, but they have to happen again. As soon as you recognize them and it becomes recognizance, you've learned the lesson, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:49

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you know, and I am you know a believer in you know, what happened to you is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to work through it and see, and you know, and and it and I don't think it's you know, it's not victim blaming to to maybe see, okay, where maybe did I play a role in this, you know, where did I have a wound of some, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:15

I did have a little bit of an issue with people saying that. Like when I was younger, people would tell me all the time, well, you're an overcomer, and I would be like offended. Like, what are you saying that I should deserve to go through this because of that? Like, but now I really started to realize, you know, that's not really a diss, and it's not necessarily someone's saying, Oh, well, you know, it is kind of gaslighty in a way, but at the same time, when I started to unpack it, I was like, Well, what were things that were wrong with me that I didn't get therapy for that made it where I perceived that certain actions were acceptable or or made me feel like I needed to accept this as the only amount of you know love or whatever it was seeking. Um and I realized that no, none of my abuse, my abusers are totally responsible for what they did. I will not take accountability for what I did not do. But my naivety and my not recognizing, because I used to be like, oh, therapy's not gonna do any good for me. I, you know, I'm not the one that's out here doing these things, this other people don't. And then my therapist actually said something. She goes, 90% of people that come to therapy are the ones that are seeking help from the the ones that have been abused. The abusers aren't usually the ones that come in seeking therapy, but they convince you that it's not needed, and you start to believe what your abuser is telling you. Therapy's not do any good for you anyway, you know. People are the way they are, and you get into that mindset. And when you get into a mindset, that's what it is. It you are setting your mind there, yeah. And then you break it open and you're like, Wait, you don't have that power over me? It's it is it's like you're stuck in a maze of not knowing, going around and around trying to escape, and you don't know how to do it until you have that epiphany and you're like, I don't have to do that, and just because these things happen doesn't mean they have to continue to happen. Now, what can I do? Once you come to that point, is where you can really go, what can I do to change what what do I need to face? And once you're in that dark night of the soul, I think that's honestly the best time to really reflect on that. Yes, yes, absolutely. And up to go.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:31

Oh yeah, hey, you know, but yeah, but the the you know the thing and you know, and with me, it was about, you know, finding, okay, like some, you know, some certain wounds that like I was holding on to that was making me not recognize red flags. And you know, and it was my responsibility to do that digging and bring that to the surface. And um, and it was. But in in a past episode with uh my friend uh Susanna Sprague, um we were talking about, you know, because she and I like we talk about like shadow work and all that stuff all the time on here. And um she she's coming back on and we're gonna do like a fire horse year follow-up type of thing. But like um, but yeah, but um, you know, but we were talking about, you know, and I was talking about how like The Shining is one of my all-time favorite novels. I love, you know, I like both movie versions in their own way. Um, both the Kubrick version, I mean, it's brilliant. And then, you know, oh yeah. And then even the even the McGarris version that that TV movie, the TV movie that came out. I mean, even that, I, you know, I know that I I know a lot of people make poke fun of that now because like when you compare it to the Kubrick version, it's like, okay, yeah, the Kubrick version kind of wins. But, you know, but in in that, but even even that one, there were just little like, you know, just nuggets in there that, you know, I was like, wow, I relate to that with like my own ex, you know, my own experiences and everything. And the shining was actually a huge part of like my own shadow work. Because, you know, and then you know, its sequel, Dr. Sleep, was another was another one. And especially when a grown-up Danny Torrance returns to the overlook, you know, not to give any spoilers for people that didn't see it yet, but I do recommend watching Dr. Sleep, the movie, very well done. Um, you know, but for me, it's like, you know, returning to when he returned to the overlook, that kind of, you know, and I, you know, and Susanna and I would discuss this, it's like that that kind of made me kind of be like, okay, well, what's my overlook? And I knew what my overlook was. And and it's it's so it's like synchronicity because I visited my own overlook, you know, at the age of five, which is the same age that Danny Torrance was at, you know, had you know all of that that stuff at the overlook hotel when he was a kid. And, you know, and it was, you know, and my my overlook, it's in California. And I visited it once when I was like five years old. And it was like it was one of those things where it was like it was like this, it was kind of like disguised at this as this like beacon of light, but underneath it all, like it would like years later, I found out just like how much like you know, like dark stuff was there and you know, and everything. It was just, and you know, maybe one day I'll share the whole story, but you know, it's something I'm still kind of digesting and everything. But like, um, but yeah, but it was, you know, it was very like that book for me and though those movies like were very a huge part of like my shadow work and making me just really dig stuff up. Like, did you have like a piece of work or anything that did that for you? Like, do you have an overlook, if you will?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:18

So I have had metaphysical and paranormal experiences. Yes, girl. And some of them, okay, so as far as stories are concerned, I haven't showed any direct references towards this, but there are things that have happened that have fallen into my stories. For example, um, I did a short story two years ago called A Toddling Mystery, and it's mostly based off the All-Star myth. Um and uh I don't want to give away too many things, but the little girl that they find in this in this book, which is basically fine found by CPS Wandering. Okay. And she's brought to this adoption agency that works with people that have a similar kind of background as like Elaine Maxwell. Um, and I really wrote it based off of the fact when I was in foster care and the things that I seen, some of the things that I seen and different types of people that I seen come through the facilities. Yeah, I had to do um uh supervised visitation with my parents for a little while. And I do want to say my mom did not lose her kids for anything she did wrong. My mom was actually a victim of DV and she lost her children because they tried to charge her with failure to protect because of us abuse uh witnessing the um so she had to go through a bunch of things to get her kids back, but she didn't actually do anything to us to lose her kids. Um but I that opportunity, uh I mean that situation, if you will, um and writing a toddling mystery, I kind of drew in from those situations and different things that I did. But as far as like the overlook question, yeah, so I my I've always had some like weird kind of sense, if you will. And the first time my mom said that I actually made any kind of statements that made it seem like I might be clairvoyant or something, I was like old. And um there's a place here called Venita, Oregon, and that's where the Oregon Country Fair is held, which is pretty internationally known. Um it has a lot to do with like the Grateful Dead and people like that. Right. Um so I my mom knew some of these people, and we happened to be in Venita, and she took me to the store. And it's a story that I have gone back to since. I actually lived in Venita for a while, and the store was literally a block away. So I did go back. But what happened was my mom took me to the store, and the idea was we were supposed to be going inside to get a snack or something, and then go into the river or or the or the lake to swim. Yeah, and my mom's walking me up. I can remember it too. Like my mom's walking me up, and there was these big heavy wooden doors on this on this convenience store. They're not there now, they've since been turned into this swinging glass doors, but they used to be these big heavy wooden doors. And I stopped and I stared at them and I looked at my mom, and she's like, Come on, let's go. And I said, No, I don't want to go in there. This this is a bad place. Something bad happened here.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:37

And she looks at me and she's all, what do you mean? And I was like, I don't so there's something bad happened here. I don't want to go in there. I don't want to go in there. And I was like adamant that I didn't want to go in there. She made me go in there because she was going to leave me out because come on, you know, we're we're just getting a drink, and nothing's gonna get you, mama's with you, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:00

Um, which I mean, in retrospect, I understand. We went in there, and I just remember just standing as close to her, like looking around, just like this is like trying to shrink myself, crossing my arms, not feeling good being good until we finally left. Well, years later, um, obviously, like I just told you, the Oregon Country Fair happens there, and it's something I do support, but there's also things that have happened that are not so good. And I mean with any kind of festival activity, especially when we have hippies and we have you know psychedelics things. Yeah, you know, these are just things that and and then different spiritual beliefs, and there are types of practitioners who do things at the camps, and yeah, things happen. So I think now, and I like I went back to the store, I even actually worked at that store for a little while. That's how much I went back and was like, I'm gonna face my fears. Yeah, there was no more any sense of darkness or impending doom, but I think it's because I already understood the land, I had learned about what had happened there, and when I was four, I didn't have any understanding of that. I just know that I felt the energy, and the energy, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:19

Yeah, wow, yeah, that that's pretty intense, like especially um because you know, as as kids, it's like our sixth sense is heightened, and that but then it's like as you grow into adulthood, and again you go you get into that fear system, you know, of this, you know, this matrix and everything, you get into that fear system, and then you know, it's unf I I wouldn't say it's lost, but I would say it's dormant.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:48

There's like a veil that comes down, and you don't as like your antenna isn't as you know susceptible to it. But yeah, it never really went away. I went through a period where I just I kind of like I didn't really necessarily believe in my bit my gifts, you know what I'm saying? Like right, I didn't think I was anything special, and I'm not saying like I'm a chosen one special, it's I'm not psychic. I can get kind of feelings about things in certain scenarios.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:18

I have seen a ghost that happened to me at Hasita Head Lighthouse here in Oregon when I was old. Um and real quickly, I can tell you what happened. We went up there and it was supposed to be an afternoon picnic on the beach there because it's it's an overlook lighthouse and a bed and breakfast, but there's also a beach and it's got you know, it's really pretty for sunsets and stuff like that. So my mom me and my brother and sister, we were gonna have a beach day and just a picnic on the beach to hang out, you know, beach comb and stuff like that. And she had taken my little brother and sister down to spread out the blanket and pick out the spot, and I was supposed to be bringing the cooler from her hatch back and carrying it down. Well, as she's went to go walk down the beach, I go to go to the back of the of the car to get the cooler out. And the way that the house is up there, it's like there's this hill and it sits like this, and you can see the bay windows from the parking lot. Okay, yeah. It was actually shut down at this time because they were doing construction to fix the bed and breakfast to make it better renovate it. Yeah. Um I actually noticed movement in the side of like my peripherals. Oh wow. I looked up and I seen a woman in the bay window, and she looked she wasn't scary or anything, Tiffany. She just looked melancholy. And she was dressed as you know the Victorian high blouse with the brooch cameo, the high mouth on, and she was, you know, the buttons perfectly aligned, and she was just kind of standing at the window, somber, staring at me. And I I don't I must have been in a trance because I don't know how much time went by. It felt like it was maybe two minutes or something. But my mom came up and she's all, hey, what's going on? Yeah, and I looked at her and I was like, You don't see her, and I pointed, and as no sooner as my mom turns to look, she vanished. Wow. Huh. That is the ghost of actually in Time magazine, and you can it's actually many people have seen her and dealt with her. Um, even during the renovation, there were stories about her. It's one of the most famous hauntings on the Oregon Coast. But at that time, like I mean, I had heard the lighthouse was haunted, but you know, uh-huh passing, and I mean, I've always been interested in gothic stuff and horror stories, obviously. But I didn't take it seriously. I was just like, oh, it's haunted, you know, whatever. I've had that experience. And I mean, I've hiked up there and I've been up there, and I actually it's one of my favorite beaches. I have never seen her again since, but I can feel her presence, and it's not like it it doesn't feel somber though. It's like when I'm there, I can feel her present. It's it's almost like, oh, you know I'm here. No, like you know, and and it's she doesn't mess with you or anything. Like she has pulled pranks on people in the past, like when they were doing women's, but she's not like a malicious or a nefarious, you know, ghost.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:22

Oh yeah, yeah. Oh wow, that is oh that's so cool. Yeah, just I I love Gothic Victorian stuff too, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:31

And yeah, oh man, that's up my alley. And um, yeah, but like, you know, with all that said, you know, especially, you know, with your, you know, like with your writing, whether it's your fictional works, you know, or your, you know, your commentary works, is like what message do you like say this is, you know, a hundred, or at least what we perceive to be a hundred years from now, if you really want to get metaphysical, that we're not even in the right calendar and all that stuff. But, you know, but let's say it's a really long time from now. What message would you like to hopefully, you know, leave behind, you know, with your works, whether it's with your fictional works, your commentary, uh, things like that?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:21

Well, if there's one thread through everything I do, it's authenticity over performance. So I'm ultimately here to inspire, educate, and entertain generations. I want my people to walk away feeling that growth is messy and that resilience isn't about never failing. It's about the effort that it takes to stand back up to face the shadows, you know. And I hope to put out a message that honors the raw, unfiltered human experience, the stories that to direct humble action, you know, over performative gestures that bring us into being our truly authentic selves and loving ourselves as those people.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:03

Right. Oh, I love that. Yeah, because I think you know, we need more of that, absolutely, because I, you know, there's just so much of people just not knowing who they are, like who their authentic self is. And I think that's why so many people have a hard time loving themselves. It's because you're trying to love a false version of yourself, and you, you know, you you were not meant to do that. And once you start to, you know, and I love how you brought up that growth is messy, it's not like, and I don't know if you've ever seen that, you know, little graph online. It's like what people think success looks like versus what it actually is, and what people think it looks like, it's this neat little straight line, and then what it actually is, it's a line, but then like a scribble, like kind of like this big scribble knot, and then then the line. So, but yeah, but that's that's growth right there. And you know, and that's one thing that you know I've been, you know, I've been doing with, you know, even something, even you know, implementing something as simple as like the Eisenhower matrix into like my planning system, you know, you're not gonna get it perfect right away. Some things that you put in the important urgent category actually belongs in the important not urgent category or something like that. But it's the fact that you keep doing it because messy action is better than no action, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:36

And yeah, that's exactly it. Healing is not linear, it's a cycle. You know, you brought back to moments where you're going, I thought I had already come over this. Why am I going back to my safety? I hear you.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:47

Oh my goodness, yes, I hear you. Yeah, because it's just yeah, because you're like, wait a minute, I've you know, I thought I've already like dealt with this and you know, healed this, but no, there might still be a little. I mean, yeah, you might have dealt with it and healed it to a large degree, but there might still be a little bit of that still lingering in there. And when it comes up, no, you didn't fail. No, it just means that okay, there's still like an old wound there that just needs to either be released or alchemized and channeled into you know, a creative work or you know, channeled into you know, following your purpose.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:29

Yes, and the transmutation is a huge thing for those of you who haven't heard about that. If you do have that level of pain, I know it can seem easy to hold on to it, but if you can transmute it, it becomes a fuel that can carry you to places that you've never even conceived.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:46

Yeah, absolutely. No, I am a hundred percent in agreement with that. And um, and okay, but speaking of your writing, do you have any new books or new works coming out? Because you do have some really good fictional work out there as well, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:04

I definitely have my hands full with so many works in progress, but in the pipeline right now, I just released Dust Races Never Fade in March, which is the sequel to The Softer Side of Texas. And I remember the softer side of Texas, yeah. So Ivy and Aaron are back, but this time the stakes are a little different as their two-year-old daughter is kidnapped, and it's a retaliation game. So if you know the first book, you kind of know how those two people are. Now imagine their daughter is at one of the stakes. Uh-huh. So, yeah, it it's a fun one, but I'm gonna actually be um developing a third installment to make it a full trilogy, and it'll probably be out by next spring. That's gonna be titled Grit uh Grit Beneath the Grace. Um and then I have a couple like Simply Scarlet's been out for a while, and I've had half of Tarnished Turquoise written for a long time, but I had a publisher that I didn't see eye to eye with, and I had to get my rights back. But that was that's been well established and over, and I got but um because of that, I relaunched uh Simply Scarlet with a new publisher, and I also did the same thing with Softer Side of Texas and Embracing His Empire, but each of those I made the agreement that I would make a trilogy. So we've already done the Softer Side of Texas's sequel, so that's book two, and then I have I've I've done the releases, the relaunches of Scarlet and Embracing His Empire, but I have to do two more books in each of those series, and I've already got a plot outlined and I've already started working on them somewhat, but um I'm kind of keeping a little bit of the details. I don't really have an ETA on when exactly they're gonna be published because it's each one at a time, and there's so many other projects I'm also doing, but I intend on getting those three done um within the next, you know, like year to 18 months. And um then I actually just finished of Masters and Slaves and I put that on Ream as a serial, but it's been as a serial for like maybe six weeks, and I'm probably gonna take it all and publishing it as you know a whole story. Um that it's you know been out there, and uh I figure I'll probably do that in May. It's something I've got as my next one I want to do to be the next release, but of course that one's an independent, not with my publisher, so I'm doing the whole hybrid thing still. And um as far as uh what is going on, if you want to keep up with my journey or dive into any of my books, all available um, you know, through most major retailers now that I even have some of my books on Walmart shelves. I've actually made that happen, so I'm happy about that. Um and you know, of course, my Amazon author page, and then the podcasts. Uh you can find me on Histories of Horror. It's bi-weekly with my co-host AL Knuckles, which is also that one. Yeah. Um, also one of my co-authors, she co-wrote with me on Snowden. Um wait, Snowden was the anthology that we were in. The the story's actually called Frosted Dreams, but that was the one we featured in together. So there's histories of horror. This is on Spotify or wherever you guys listen to podcasts, and this is a true crime, paranormal, supernatural. And then, of course, we did have Tiffany on a special because we were doing a spooky week talking to different people that come from different types of gothic and horror and you know, just kind of intersectional story types. So there's that one, and then um The Mind of Simarie, which is my solo podcast. And I usually put out, you know, about three or four episodes a week, just depending on what I'm doing when I was in LA. I didn't do any, but I did come back with follow-ups about what happened there if anybody wants to hear more about that. Um then, of course, there's around the table with the AOTR, which is the Authors of the Resistance podcast. And I do that every other Wednesday night at 6 p.m. Pacific time with my co-host author Beverly L. Anderson, who is also a mental health specialist. Um, and we just talk about intersectional topics there, you know, from activism to obviously be game authors of the resistance. We are very much trying to stand up for the First Amendment, for free speech, for free press, um fighting back against, you know, trying all of the different censorship that they've been doing to all of us, um, and trying to, you know, basically crash our careers as romance or erotic authors. Um but you know, all those different types of things because we've got book banning happening, so it all of that you need to read a little romance and erotica, you know? It's like and you know, the thing is, I know that we need to keep spaces that are for children, those need to be affected, especially everything, and we're in the transparency era with everything that's happened with. Steve, but at the same time, we cannot the the purity culture has done no good. This is the reason why so many you know assaults and things is is because culture. So we have to be doing things in a way where we understand that adults should be able to consent to purchasing and viewing the material they want to. It's not for me to judge what you like. As long as it's with a consenting person that's of sound mind and not a child, it's none of my business.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:28

Absolutely, absolutely. And you know, the rise of corn, you know, we know what that is. That's I mean, I think purity culture has, you know, really contributed to the rise of that, you know. And yeah, it because if you yeah, I mean, because if you try to keep people in a straitjacket for so long, you know, it's only I mean, it it's only a matter of time before they find a way to act out. And when they act out, it's never in a healthy way, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:03

Because they've been, you know, kind of just like kept in this restriction. And yeah, so when they finally do go on an impulse, it usually is on an impulse, and that's when we end up with some terrible crimes at times. Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:16

No, I'm I'm totally, I totally hear you there, but oh my gosh, girl, what a what a discussion. We kind of went off script too, but you know what? That's okay, because you know, I mean, even when I um at the time I'm recording this, I, you know, also yesterday um recorded Zach from Death Comes Lifting's um podcast too. And you know, I mean, and I said, and I was to even telling him, yeah, I send people questions just to kind of give like some structure to the discussion. But you know what? If it goes off in another direction, it was probably meant to, you know, and there was probably somebody who needed to hear what all that you had to say, you know, so I'm not like super strict about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:04

So I think that you know, having them scripted to a uh your questions and everything to a point, but also I do the same thing on my shows is I want to keep it in your words. So if we when it's an organic conversation, then you know that it's authentic, and exactly what's being said is actually coming from the true source, you know, the person that you're talking to, and it's not just their pre-thought, there it's actually them intelligently communicating with you in that moment. And I kind of like to have those a little bit myself too.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:35

Yeah, yeah, and you know, and that's the thing, because it's going back to authentic conversations that sometimes may not be the most comfortable conversations, but they're conversations that need to be had nonetheless. And like, and even if like somebody listening, you know, hey, you may not agree a hundred percent with what the person I'm talking to is saying, but you know what? At least what I would hope is that it gave you a look at a different perspective, and it made you think, you know, oh, maybe there's another side to that, maybe there's a side that I haven't been hearing, and I want to find out more about that. And to me, that's important. And you know what? Discussion is how real change happens, authentic discussion. That is how real change happens. Exchanging of ideas is how real change happens, you know. And I mean, even, you know, going all the way back to the American Revolution, you know, you know, I'm a history buff, you know. I mean, Thomas Paine, hello, common sense, you know, that, you know, he, you know, that was discussion that was being distributed throughout all the taverns, and or they were also called um orderlies and everything that were being distributed, and you know, and th those discussions were happening and you know, and and those exchanging of ideas. And and that's what, you know, like I said, like that's where real change happens, is when you can have adult discussions and really, you know, get different perspectives on what, you know, on on how somebody might view things. And because when you're lit when you live in a think tank, that's never helped anyone. You know, being in just this bubble that, you know, where you're basically told what to believe. It's like, no, get to the root of yourself. What do you honestly believe? Because and I'm sure you've heard this too, you know, the vast majority of a person's thoughts aren't even their own.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:47

No, and that goes back. There's a book that I feel like we should talk about briefly, and that is The Four Cuts by Don Miguel Ruiz. Oh, I've heard of that, yeah. If you haven't read it, Tiffany, you should read it. It's a short book, but it's a great one. And he talks about the um it's basically like the spells that other people put on you, which is or the delusions other people put on you, which is basically projection. And it's him talking about all these ideas or beliefs or even the faiths, these are things that are put on top of you, usually whoever is raising you to start with, and then the society that you are, you know, brought into as you move through it. And according to you know, whatever your station is within that, you might get different messages, but all of those are agreements that you're making, and so he talks about when you start to actually break the agreements and you start to go, well, what are agreements about me? What is my personal code? You don't even know what those are, and you're just making these agreements with whatever's being told to you. Yeah, okay, the sky is purple because Trump says so. I'm saying, like, you okay, I believe that that you're making that agreement, and you're not even actually looking at the fact that the sky is actually colorless, it's just right, you know, of a refraction of light we're seeing to the clouds in the sky and the sunlight, right? Or the moonlight, if that's the case. But um, you know, people don't really often think about how many things were just placed upon them to actually step back and go, is this something I actually believe in myself? Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:30

No, I I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:32

I yeah, and totally with that because, you know, I'm you know, and that was, you know, even with my own inner work, you know, uh that I really was, you know, taking a step back and being like, okay, is this really what I believe? Um, or what is this something that I was, you know, I was told to believe, you know, from from authority figures. And you know, and that is when when you can have that honest conversation with yourself. You know, that is when you are, you know, on your way to truly living, you know, your soul's blueprint, truly living, you know, what you know you as you know a sentient being came here to do, you know. And yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, this was quite um, you know, quite quite a deep discussion, but I think it, you know, definitely, like I said, we definitely went off script, but you know, I I think there was a reason for that. I think, you know, there might be somebody out there that needs, you know, needed to hear this. And, you know, and I think that, you know, and I'm I'm I'm always glad to have these types of discussions and you know, the sharing of ideas, and you know, how can we all come together as a collective and really, you know, make a change in this world. And, you know, and I think that, you know, I I think we're it's I think it it's going, it's going to be a struggle, but I think we're starting to head in that direction, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:20

It feels like the the fire horse is really starting to get into that gallop. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:26

Absolutely. All right. Well, thank you so much for for coming on. And it was really um awesome talking to you and you know, just hearing a little more about your background and you know, your story and you know, where you came from and like, you know, because your time in foster care. I didn't know that. So that was like really, really fascinating and really, you know, like I said, you know, thank you for sharing that on here. And you know, and it was really uh truly awesome to have you on. And um, yeah, but uh where can people find you where can people find you again? Like what are your handles?

SPEAKER_02 1:37:05

I am most active lately on Instagram and Facebook, but it's pretty easy to find me. My on Instagram, it's at author cy Marie. That's a u t-h o r s a i m-a r-i-e. All one and I know they run together. Um I'm on TikTok, and that's at Cy. Marie Johnson. Marie Johnson would be together. Um pretty much if you look up Author Simarie or Cy Marie Johnson, you're gonna be able to find me. I'm pretty active, as you know. Um and um, of course, I do have a Facebook reader group too. That's uh Sirens of Symarie.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:42

Okay, awesome. Yeah, I think I'm in that Facebook group. So that's Sirens of Simarie. Awesome. So all right, we'll definitely uh look up Simarie, um, look up her books. Um, she has pretty much everything from like gothic fiction to, you know, erotica to like a sweet, you know, the sweet romance type. I mean, she has pretty much everything. She's definitely a hybrid author, which I think is really cool. And um also if you want to, you know, just get uh to know her a little bit more personally, um, you can follow her on like Substack and um listen to her podcasts in the mind of Symarie, listen to her horrors of her history, horrors of history, right? It's a horror. Yes, yeah. I was on that podcast and I got it mixed up, but um, but yeah, but if you like true crime and you know, just really cool things like that, um, listen to that podcast. And um, yeah, thank you so much uh for coming on. And thank you everybody for watching. Um, both my podcasts have been experiencing surges in downloads, which makes me happy. So thank you so much. You all are awesome. But um, this was another episode of the After Hours Chats podcast, and this time we had on uh Simon Johnson. And as always, I leave you with stay fierce, stay safe, but stay spooky.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:19

Oh yeah. Woo! Yes.